What better way to elicit emerald excitement and zirconium zeal than by transforming lackluster jewelry shopping into a bargain game on television? GemsTV is the ultimate in Machiavellian mass marketing of the most eclectic jewelry merchandise that exploits the engaging elements of play from such games as the Limbo and “Deal or No Deal” along with the boiling suspense the “Antique Roadshow” percolates on PBS.
A flashy screen edited by sophisticated PowerPoint technology draws the impulsive viewer in with the delightfully adolescent message, “Let’s Play the Game!,” which is the cue to gather around and gaze at their latest offering of the ostentatious. From the latest line of “Crimes in Fashion” comes tawdry ceramic watches to the gaudiest of precious gems, you are proceeded then to a bombardment of sales tactics reminiscent of the Used Car dealership. And in the end, “Everyone Pays the Lowest Price!”
Credit is given to the hosts for knowledge in Geography as they attempt to reach the audience of Golden Girls by spouting out random states along with the names of callers in contention that are one stroke away from pressing “1” on their telephone and sealing the deal on their impulse buy. “California, Texas, New York…” pleads the host.
“California?! That’s me! She has to be talking to me!”
The host personalizes her taunts: “Billy Bob, Bonnie Ray, Dia-Betty, Buckwheat, Bimbo, Big n’ Tasty, you gotta press 1!…”
“OMG Becky and Britney are on the line for that bewitching broach, gotta act fast! Which is 1 again?!”
I think I’ll let the rest vie for the kitschy bling and stick to playing a game with the most precious gemstones of all: “Bejeweled.”
Precious Gemstones of Bejeweled
michaeldavid360° 
Such a witty commentary on the television programming you love so much! It’s interesting this channel has suddenly lost reception through our cable carrier. Whatever will we do for laughs now, Diabetty?
By: Jason on November 21, 2008
at 7:14 pm